Parent's Worrying
Thursday, June 4th 2009 @ 8:06 PM
As our parents age we sometimes find the roles reversed. I am in New Zealand looking after my lovely little Mum after an operation. Doing some of the things she would have done many many times for me, showering, drying me, putting on baby powder, trying to tempt me to eat.
I am blessed to share this time with my Mum, even though she doesn't easily let go of her mother role! She worries my clothes are getting wet on the line, she worries I am not getting enough sleep, she worries about if my room is warm enough.
My Mum would be one of the worlds best worriers. Sometimes it drives me crazy, and I have to remind her I am a big girl now and I can make good decisions without her having to remind me.
But I am so blessed, that my Mum is one of my best friends. I know her worry is because she loves me and wants the best for me. And it makes me reflect how as parents our worry and concern for our children is because we love them so much.
However I think the challenge for parents is to let go and trust that our kids will be fine, that they can make Miss-Takes and learn and make better decisions next time. If we show we trust them to work things out then we empower them to look for solutions, rather than learning to behave simply in response to our conditioning.
Isn't it better for our children to grow up able to make up their own minds, to make good choices, to trust in their own inner wisdom? If we make them dependant on us (their teachers, authority figures - or conversly peer pressure) then they don't learn to explore and grow and be able to make mistakes and learn from them.
I was one of those children in school who was scared to try anything new, who was terrified of making a mistake, who worried about everything going wrong. Although I knew my Mum loved me, I absorbed a lot of her worry and anxiety.
Our father was the other extreem, so in the long run we probably got a bit of a balance! He let us do things at a very young age, and encouraged Mum to let go some of her controls. So somewhere I did develop the confidence to explore.
I was also lucky enough to have an inspiring grandmother who took on a Man's role of being the breadwinner during the Depression, with a sick husband and two children. I learnt so much from her about figuring out how things worked, watching trades people to see how to fix things, reading copiously to master a new skill.
Our children will be influenced by lots of people, all with different beliefs, strengths and challenges. As parents we can't control their whole world - and sometimes those of us who are into Law of Attraction or Conscious Parenting, think we have to keep their world lovely and positive and happy all the time.
Instead I would challenge you to simply let go a little. Trust that your child will learn and filter and make choices regardless of what you do! And the more you can trust and love them without having to control all their behaviour and all the outcomes (which you can't possibly!) then your child will have the strength to challenge you, to question your thinking. And if you are wise you will listen and reflect and just maybe worry a little less!
PS
My Mum has agreed to only let me know if she is worried I have forgotten something to do with caring for her. So I had better go and put some cream on her heels before she starts worrying!
